Weird News Thread ....

[gemini26]

Stripper accused of squirting breast milk won't be charged

US authorities have decided against charging a stripper with assault after she allegedly squirted breast milk in a customer's face.

The 20-year-old denied the man's claim she squeezed her breasts and squirted him with milk during a lap dance at a club in Jackson, Michigan.

She claimed that he had grabbed her breast as she performed the dance at the city's School House club.

"We looked at the report and, based on the evidence, we don't believe we could obtain a guilty verdict beyond a reasonable doubt," Julius Giglio, city attorney, told the Jackson Citizen Patriot.

The dancer, who told police she had recently had a child, said milk never squirted from her breast or struck the man in the face.

But she told police that milk may have dripped during the dance or when he grabbed her breast.

The man complained to a club manager, who offered free soft drinks and passes to the club. The man declined the offers, left the club and filed a police report a short time later.

The dancer, who still works at the club, never filed a complaint with police, but her claims were included in a report to the city attorney, Deputy Police Chief Matt Heins said.

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BERLIN (Reuters) - A drunken German thief botched his escape from a robbery in the western city of Cologne when he trapped his little finger in a wooden rack and had to wait for police to free him.
Cologne police spokesman Juergen Laggies said the inebriated 42-year-old was unable to free his jammed digit during a smash-and-grab at a city convenience store. Firefighters eventually had to be called to release him.

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NEW YORK (Reuters) - A quick-witted nine-year-old boy thwarted robbers who made it out of his home with $164,000 in cash before they were nabbed by police alerted to the caper by his covert cell phone call.
Shidal Hossain used a blanket to hide a cell phone when the unidentified robbers came to rob his home and then slipped into his bedroom to call his father for help.

Shidal was watching cartoons with his four brothers -- one of them just nine days old -- when the trio of robbers knocked on the door of the family's Brooklyn home on Thursday morning.

Pretending to be building maintenance workers, they persuaded Shidal's 3-year-old brother to open the door before charging in and threatening Shidal's mother and brothers with what turned out to be a pellet gun.

Police nabbed them on the street nearby and recovered the $164,000 in cash, which the family was hoping to send back to relatives in Bangladesh.

Shidal remembers being "a little" scared when his mother spoke to him in Bangladeshi, telling him to sneak away with the family's cell phone to call his father. "My mom gave me the telephone. I hid it under the blanket," he said on Friday.

"I was in Pennsylvania when he called me," the elder Hossain said. So, he called relatives, neighbors and the police. "He did a good job," he said of Shidal, who is going into the fourth grade this autumn.

Kevin Munoz, 19, Abab Villanueva, 22 and Arelin Cales, 22, were being held by police on charges including robbery, burglary and grand larceny.

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BRAZZAVILLE (Reuters) - Pygmies from deep within Congo's jungles launched their debut compact disc Sunday, singing of the hardships -- and attractions -- of forest life.
The disc, produced with funding from United Nations cultural body UNESCO, includes 10 tracks by pygmy band Ndima from the Congo Republic, one of a few countries in central Africa where tribes of pygmies cling on to their traditional way of life.

"This disc aims to promote the culture of a people threatened with extinction," said Sorel Eta, who coordinated recording on behalf of the Association for Respect for Pygmies.

The group uses traditional instruments such as animal horns, stretched jungle creepers, wooden hide drums and pipes made from bamboo and tree trunks.

They sing about the difficulties of day-to-day life in the jungle, but also the pleasures of hunting and fishing and their desire to preserve their ancient way of life.

Pygmies often face discrimination and have seen the forests where they live dwindle as logging companies push ever deeper into the Equatorial jungles in search of valuable hardwoods. The trade in "bushmeat" has also reduced stocks of hunting animals.

Pygmies are among the shortest race, averaging four to five feet in height, although not all are noticeably smaller than surrounding populations.

They are believed to be the original inhabitants of the equatorial forests where they tend to live in small groups.

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ROME (Reuters) - Rash-reddened cheeks, puffy eyes and tears of despair -- not quite the look contestants at the Miss Italy semi-finals might have hoped for on their big night, but exactly what many of them got.
Decorative metallic patterns stuck onto the girls' skin combined with heat and sweat may have triggered the nasty skin reaction in 40 of the 100 contestants at the weekend event, Italian media reported Monday.

"It will last 72 hours at the most. Of course it depends on the individual reaction of each person but with treatment it should be gone fairly soon," Rome-based daily Il Messaggero quoted dermatologist Benedetto Marinangeli as saying.

But while the cheeks might soon recover, damaged pride may take longer to heal and Il Messaggero said some of the contestants were considering legal action.

Organizers of the event were quick to say that the make-up misfortune had no effect on the end results as finalists had already been chosen before the rashes flared

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BERLIN (Reuters) - From next week, a German women's soccer team will take to the field sporting jerseys recommending that their fans visit a local brothel.
"X-Carree: Always Worth a Visit," will be emblazoned across the women's chests after the brothel, owned by a real estate firm in the eastern city of Halle, agreed to pay for the Teutschenthal women's new gray and red kits.

"The women have no problem with it," Andreas Dittmann, coach to the 23-strong team of amateurs, said on Friday.

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BUFFALO, N.Y. (AP) - John Bothe was unemployed with time to spare - so he paid a radio station about $1,000 for air time to showcase his talents as host of a Saturday sports show.

Now he's finding the price of that show may be much higher.

The state Labor Department determined that Bothe's unpaid radio gig qualified as work and disqualified him from receiving unemployment benefits.

Not only has the state put a halt on future benefits, it wants Bothe to return $605 he already collected.


"My definition of work is doing a job and getting paid for it, not paying them," said Bothe, who lost his first appeal. He'll make his case again at an administrative hearing Sept. 8.

A Labor Department spokesman, Robert Lillpopp, told the Daily News of Batavia last week he could not comment on specific cases but that being available to work is important when collecting benefits.

"In order to get (benefits) you have to be ready, willing and available to work," he said.

Bothe explained to the department he had not been paid for the work but was told he had not read the state handbook outlining conditions for receiving benefits.

The handbook states that a person receiving benefits must report "any activity that brings in or may bring in income at any time."

Bothe, track announcer at Batavia Downs, said he was trying to improve his chances of staying off unemployment in the future, when he initiated the radio show after the season had ended at the harness race track.

"I thought if I get on the radio maybe somebody will hear me and I'll pick up some work," he said.

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TRUCKEE, California (AP) - Ron Hunt's friends and family have been calling him the "Miracle Man" ever since an 18-inch-long drill bit poked through his eye and out the back of his skull.

"It didn't seem possible for him to be alive, seeing him with a drill bit through his head," his nephew Ben Hunt said.

The construction worker from Truckee, California, lost an eye but survived the freak accident Aug. 15 with no brain damage after falling from a ladder and onto the drill.

The 1.5-inch diameter chip auger drill bit was still in his head when his brother, Chris Hunt, and nephew, Ben, met him in a hospital emergency room in Reno, Nevada.


"The nurses braced us for it before we saw him," Ben Hunt told the Sierra Sun newspaper of Truckee. "It didn't seem real - it seemed like a movie. I wasn't sure what to feel."

Doctors explained that the drill bit pushed his brain aside rather than pushing into it, which likely would have caused serious brain damage or death, Ben Hunt said.

While drilling above his head on Aug. 15, the six-foot ladder Ron Hunt was standing on started to wobble so he tossed the drill aside - as construction workers are trained to do. He then fell off the ladder face-first and onto the drill.

"By the time I was falling, and I let the drill go down, I was already on top of it," Ron Hunt told ABC's "Good Morning America" TV show on Tuesday.

"I ran my hands up the drill bit, up to my eye, and put my other hand in the back of my head and felt it coming through the back of my head," he said. "And that's where pretty much the shock set in."

He was taken by helicopter to Washoe Medical Center in Reno. After weighing their options, doctors essentially unscrewed the bit to remove it.

"We would have cut it off, but after a few minutes of drilling, we noticed that it was loose. And so we just put down our blade and twisted the bit," said Dr. Paul Ludlow, the surgeon who performed the operation.

His nephew thinks he'll be able to laugh about it some day.

"It's just going to be one of those stories," Ben Hunt told the Sierra Sun. "He'll joke around with his glass eye and pop it out."

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BANGKOK, Thailand (AP) - A worm a day keeps the doctor away - at least for a firefighter in central Thailand.

Paisit Chanta, 39, told The Associated Press on Tuesday that he has been eating a live worm every day for nearly three decades, and that it's been the secret of his health.

His story was featured Tuesday in a major newspaper, Thai Rath.

Paisit's unusual habit started when he was fishing in his native village in Nakhon Nayok province, 60 miles northeast of Bangkok.


"One day, I was sitting there waiting for a fish to eat my bait for hours and was starving. Suddenly, I realized fish don't die from eating worms so I shouldn't either. I ate them until I was full," Paisit said in a telephone interview.

He now loves worms, and has become accustomed to chew them instead of swallowing them whole.

The father of two credited his good health to this dietary supplement, saying a mild flu was the worst illness he's had.

His co-worker Thepnakorn Kongwien, 28, said Paisit often digs for worms in the area near the fire station.

"We're used to that. But we still think it's strange and disgusting," he said.

Paisit said eating worms was like "eating mushy sticky rice." He was referring to chewy glutinous rice, eaten as a snack and sometimes a staple food in parts of Southeast Asia.

[Jolie Rouge]

BorowitzReport Archives


ASHCROFT AGREES TO ‘QUEER EYE’ MAKEOVER
Hopes Softer Image Will Help Sell Patriot Act

Attorney General John Ashcroft, on a nationwide tour to promote the controversial Patriot Act, has turned to the stars of the hit TV show “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” to give him what has been called a “radical makeover” to help soften his image.

Karl Rove, the White House's top political advisor, was reportedly behind the decision to unleash the so-called “Queer Eye” makeover on the Attorney General.

“After it became clear that Ashcroft was just scaring everybody on the Patriot Act tour, Karl had to sit him down and say, ‘John, it's time to fluff you up,’” one White House aide said.

While the Attorney General was stumping for the Patriot Act in Lansing, Michigan, the makeover team rolled up their sleeves and started redoing Mr. Ashcroft's Washington, D.C. apartment, pulling up ‘70’s-era shag carpeting that Queer Eye spokesman Carson Kressley called “strictly Mr. Roper.”

Then the team descended on Mr. Ashcroft himself, throwing out his entire wardrobe, deemed by Mr. Kressley to be “beyond Bob Barker.”

They also took the Attorney General on a trip to the hair salon, giving Mr. Ashcroft a spiky, gelled coiffure – “very Harrison Ford, post-Callista,” as Mr. Kressley described it.

Washington observers were surprised that Mr. Ashcroft would collaborate with the “Queer Eye” team to remake his appearance, but the Attorney General's dedication to the Patriot Act apparently overrode any initial resistance on his part.

“If it'll help me get 24-hour surveillance of every man, woman and child in this country, I'll shave my chest and dress like fricking RuPaul,” Mr. Ashcroft told reporters.

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AMSTERDAM, Netherlands (AP) - Around 2,000 baboon noses were found packed in an abandoned suitcase at Amsterdam airport when they started to stink, officials said Wednesday.

Dutch customs police made the gruesome discovery last week and turned the case over to the Agriculture Ministry's Inspection Service, which said it had several leads that may help it track down the culprits.

Baboons are protected under international law.

"We assume these animals were killed, and we have to prevent something like this from happening again," spokesman Louis Steens said. He said the noses had been destroyed.

The noses - around 66 pounds worth - were en route from Lagos, Nigeria, to the United States and are believed to have been meant to be eaten or used in traditional medicine by immigrants.

"It is known that many inhabitants of Asian and African countries ascribe beneficial properties to these medicines and use them for that reason," the Inspection Service said in a statement.