Thread: Keeping the Gender of a 2-Year-Old Secret

http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2...oddler-secret/

Keeping the Gender of a 2-Year-Old Secret
By Lisa Belkin
GenderIllustration by Barry Falls Gender

During last week’s discussion of whether couples choose to learn the sex of their baby before he or she is born, a number of you said you wanted to keep the secret as long as possible, because the moment people hear “boy” or “girl” they begin to make assumptions about a child.

One couple in Sweden decided to take that logic a few steps further, and are refusing to tell anyone whether their toddler is a boy or a girl.

The child — called Pop in Swedish papers to protect his or her identity — is now two-and-a-half-years-old, and only a handful of close relatives (those who have changed the child’s diaper) know the sex. Pop’s parents, who are both 24, say they made this decision in the hope of freeing their child from the artificial construct of gender.

“We want Pop to grow up more freely and avoid being forced into a specific gender mould from the outset,” Pop’s mother told the Swedish newspaper Svenska Dagbladet last spring. “It’s cruel to bring a child into the world with a blue or pink stamp on their forehead.”

Pop wears dresses, and also “male” styled pants, and Pop’s hairstyle changes often, from traditionally feminine to traditionally masculine (and, one would imagine, to some untraditional styles now and then.)

The online Swedish newspaper, The Local, quotes Anna Nordenström, a pediatric endocrinologist at the Karolinska Institutet, who won’t even hazard a guess as to the long-term effect such an upbringing could have on a child:

“It will affect the child, but it’s hard to say if it will hurt the child,” says Nordenström, who studies hormonal influences on gender development.

“I don’t know what they are trying to achieve. It’s going to make the child different, make them very special.”

She says if Pop is still “genderless’” by the time he or she starts school, Pop will certainly receive a lot of attention from classmates.

“We don’t know exactly what determines sexual identity, but it’s not only sexual upbringing,” says Nordenström. “Gender-typical behaviour, sexual preferences and sexual identity usually go together. There are hormonal and other influences that we don’t know that will determine the gender of the child.”

Pop will soon welcome a brother, or a sister. Pop’s parents will not reveal the sex of that child, either, except, perhaps, to Pop.

Anyone else think these people are weird?I am all for letting children play with gender neutral toys,dressing how they want,etc.Not telling the sex though is just weird.I wonder if they tell pops what his/her private parts are,do they just refer to it as "it"?

That kid is going to be so messed up when it gets to be a teenager. I think its a girl at least I hope it is if they're letting her or him wear a dress.

I wonder if Pop is a hermaphrodite and that's their logic in dealing with it?
That is a bizarre way to raise a child. I'm not for making a child a social experiment.

This reminds me of a show that I saw on tv what was it about soemthing about them doing a project to see if the way you treat a chicld defines what gender they are and this family tried to dress their son like a girl and that kid was soooo confused. Anybody whatch that show? Anyways yeah its gonna totally mess up this kids life if they keep this up much longer

Originally Posted by speedygirl

I wonder if Pop is a hermaphrodite and that's their logic in dealing with it?
That is a bizarre way to raise a child. I'm not for making a child a social experiment.

thats exactly what i was thinking! maybe they dont really KNOW the sex....

Originally Posted by speedygirl

I wonder if Pop is a hermaphrodite and that's their logic in dealing with it?
That is a bizarre way to raise a child. I'm not for making a child a social experiment.

I don't think the child is a hermaphrodite because they are planning to do the same with their next child.I think they are confused by the nature vs nurture thing.Having two of each and trying to treat them all equally,I can verify the fact that boys are boys and girls are girls.Obviously A hermaphrodite would be different only because they were born in the wrong body.

Originally Posted by jasmine

I think that is just wrong. The poor child is having to hide his or her sexuality/gender even at such a young age. I wonder if they tell the child if "it" is a boy or girl? She is going to grow up to be ashamed of either. I say let the child celebrate and dress, play with toys..... enjoy being a boy/or girl~be free. They are not keeping the child safe by not revealing this, they are making people wonder even more.

I know,children usually identify themselves with their same gender parent.Does this kid even know if he or she is the same as mommy or daddy?weird.

Originally Posted by ilovecats

I don't think the child is a hermaphrodite because they are planning to do the same with their next child.I think they are confused by the nature vs nurture thing.Having two of each and trying to treat them all equally,I can verify the fact that boys are boys and girls are girls.Obviously A hermaphrodite would be different only because they were born in the wrong body.

and in the long run it will affect their childrens lives . how could any parent even think that will stop gender classification is stupid , anyone can get the childs birth record now days and post what they want ........... how idiotic can they be.........

Originally Posted by ilovecats

Obviously A hermaphrodite would be different only because they were born in the wrong body.

a hermaphradite has BOTH sexes, so it has nothing to do with being in the wrong body. it has to do with not knowing for sure how to raise the child. which sex is dominant? something like that is VERY hard to tell at such a young age...