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Like the force of gravity that causes planets to revolve around the sun and keeps the heavenly bodies all rotating around one another, the mysterious yet supremely strong force of sexual attraction has historically drawn men to women and women to men, not because of what they have in common but despite what they lack in common.
And therein lies the reason for society's incredible interest in homosexuality. Attraction, once so strong between men and women, has greatly waned. In a world where natural attraction between men and women is weak, compatibility has risen to fill the vacuum. Attraction has been diluted to such a point that a much weaker force has arisen to take its place.
Why has attraction between men and women dropped so drastically? For one thing, men and women are simply overexposed to one another. Women have lost all mystery for men. That’s why we use expressions like "casual" sex. How could something so intense suddenly become casual? Because it lacks emotional commitment and it is practiced with strangers to such an extent that it becomes detached, predictable, and routine.
Whereas men used to be attracted to womankind, today they are only attracted to a kind of woman. Fat women are out. Short women ditto. Flat-chested women can forget it.
Likewise, women are finding their jobs and careers more compelling than their boyfriends. They are married to their work rather than a man. (What they mostly find attractive in a man is hard cash rather than love. The message of all these reality shows, like "Joe Millionaire," is that poor guys without good jobs are toast.)
Mutual attraction has become so diminished that men and women are now grappling to find something they have in common in order to fall in love, like the couple last week who told me that they love each other because they both sky dive. Why else would so many husbands and wives say, "I love my spouse. He/she is my best friend." They are talking not of the passion between two lovers, but the companionship and trust of a friend.
Recently I was invited by the network show "Blind Date" to counsel a couple about to embark on their second date. I asked them if they had had sex on their first date. They giggled and said yes. I explained that by having sex so early they left themselves little to look forward to in the relationship. The man, all of 24 years old, was incredulous. "I don’t know what you’re talking about. To me sex is no big deal. We had a good time on the date, so we had sex. It was that simple. I don’t look forward to the sex. We have so many better things to look forward to."
"Wow," I joked, "that must have been some really bad sex."
They didn’t laugh.
"These other big things that you are both looking forward to," I said. "Give me an example."
"Like trust and friendship and sharing. All those really special things."
Little did he realize that he had just reduced his new girlfriend to one of his buddies.
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