hazeleyedgal

I have been crying for 2 days now. I am manic depressive and my meds keep changing and I can't control things at times. I go to work and I play the act and when I leave I cry. I wake up I cry, I try to keep it in so noone see me doing this and I just can't take it. I have problems but nothing to be crying about all the time. My best friend says others don't see the real me. That hurts cause I dont' even know the real me at times. I am a loving person and a caring person too and I hear that all the time. But from her I hear how much of a B**** I am. And you wonder why I can't stop crying. I know I am a B**** but I jsut can't help it at times. Some times I dont' even realize I do things. I try to avoid all family memebers on the phone. All I seem to want to do is lay around and hide. I know my sisters ae all reading this since they come here but I felt like I had to write rather thatn talk to someone since I really don't like talking to anyone any more.I feel bad for my hubby cause I block him out as much as I can. My kids I can't take all of them together. It's hard for me. I need to deal with them one on one but it's hard with 3(And one of them is still conected by the unbilical cord) If you know what I mean. I can't go to the bathroom without her barging in. My life is in a termoil right now and I just want it under control. I have a great family and I knwo they would help me if they can but I won't let them in. I dont' want anyone helping me. I'm the one who is supose to help them. I'm sorry for rambling on. I will stop this here since I can't see anymore to type. Have to go wash the face sn act happy since the kiddies will be here soon. Thanks for listening I jsut needed to vent.

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